Writing all about my childbirth experience in Korea reminded me how many amazing people were there for me & my family to make that transition as smooth as possible. It was the same when my first son was born in Philadelphia. I couldn’t have done it without People.

Is it really that difficult to take care of a new baby?

I have two sons, and each postpartum experience was unique- as is true for any child entering the world. Vaginal delivery recoveries vary significantly, depending on the position of baby, any bruising to the tailbone, degree of tearing, complications with epidural, and more. C-section surgeries will require additional weeks of rest in order to promote healing after a major operation. Mothers that are adopting will have a huge transition period as well as potential legal matters to take care of. It’s all hard and it’s all a whole lot of change!

First-time mothers have the additional challenge of their lives being irreversibly turned upside-down (in a wonderful but shocking way) and very little sleep with which to process and manage it all. Second-, third-, fourth-, fifth-, and tenth-time mothers have the advantage of experience on their side.

However, the show must go on as toddlers, preschoolers, and older children still need to get to school, be fed, and clothed (maybe that last one becomes optional around home though). Not to worry, though- older siblings usually don’t sense any change in the family and carry on with their normal level of energy and obedience (I’M JOKING!).

So… how can we help?

Today I want to share things that helped me after I had both of my babies. Every mom and family situation is different. I have tried to stretch my specific experiences into more broad principles that could be applied to the new parents in your life, hopefully making their lives just a little bit easier!

Feed Her:

This may be the most common way to help a mom with a new baby. I’ve seen countless meal sign-ups passed around church women’s groups, the workplace, or amongst friend groups. It’s common because it’s WONDERFUL. When you’re in the trenches, there is no such thing as Too Many Hot Meals that you didn’t have to grocery shop for & prepare.

I will never forget the many, many hot meals brought into our home when we had both boys. Obviously in this day & age there are plenty of frozen foods & delivery options the family can figure out for theirselves. But it really is amazing to have something hearty and filling show up at your doorstep made or sent with love, specifically for you.

For example:

Here are some variations on the age-old homemade meal served up at 5 pm and hand- delivered to the new mom:

Freezer Meals: In Seoul, kind friends arranged to bring me freezer meals to church the week before I delivered. I was gifted packages of frozen veggies from the Army Base (a true jackpot for Seoul expats), a Stouffer’s lasagna (again, jackpot), and homemade soups to reheat whenever we needed. Freezer meals are so flexible, and particularly handy in a couple of circumstances: 1) Your community is very spread out 2) Lots of friends have 9 am -6 pm (or later) jobs and can’t drop off dinner at a “traditional” time 3) You’re dropping meals off to a mother with other kids and a busier schedule and coordinating a dinner-drop is a hassle.

Take-Out or Delivery

You aren’t an amazing chef? No problem! We had a friend bring us pasta and an arugula salad from a nearby Italian restaurant after my first son was born– and that was the closest thing we had to a date night for many weeks. 😉

Bake Up Some Love

Dinner isn’t the only meal of the day! Homemade granola bars, bran muffins, and banana bread are just a few of the goodies people brought me postpartum. I loved having grab-able carbs to power me through late-night nursing sessions, or serve as an easy breakfast. My appetite was ravenous the first 10 days after delivery!

Snack Snack Snack

It’s really handy to have snack foods on hand when you’re keeping odd hours and may be missing typical meals. It’s tough to muster the time & energy to shop for, wash, chop, and prep fresh fruits and vegetables. To have someone else do that is golden. I had a friend drop off a big bag of Trader Joe’s snacks that actually helped fuel my body: clementines, honey-wheat pretzels, trail mix, and lots more. It was awesome! Sometimes I like to make granola & drop it off with greek yogurt for a filling snack (or breakfast) in lieu of a full-on meal.

Treat Her Self

After my first son was born, our friends texted asking about our favorite candy bars (my husbands’ & mine). They brought large versions of them next time they visited and it was very personal and appreciated! My mom also brought a small box of salted caramels to the hospital post-delivery, and I have crystal clear memories of watching The Office with Paul while rocking our crying newborn and feeling so, so sleep-deprived already. Salted caramels made it feel like it was all going to be okay, somehow (And it was! I promise you will eventually sleep again).

Note: It’s important to take allergies into consideration! Check in with mom or dad about any dietary restrictions in the family (or strong dislikes) before bringing over food, if possible.

Bring Other Stuff:

Stuff for Baby

It can be hard to know what baby/postpartum stuff (non-food goods) a family has already accumulated, and what they are still lacking.

In my opinion, there are a few baby items you can never have enough of. Here’s a list of some pretty safe bets you could drop off with a postpartum mom:

Diapers & Wipes

Even moms that use cloth diapers will sometimes use the disposable kind during outings. I’d recommend getting size 2 because they grow out of newborn & size 1 rather quickly.

Clothing for baby

Onesies are always needed, as well as socks, newborn “mittens” (as pictured above), hats…it can be simple! I’ve also found that moms tend to get a lot of 0-3 month clothing but less for 6-9+ months. I appreciated the larger outfits that baby could grow into!

Lotion & Soap for Baby

You can use these well into the toddler years honestly, so you can rest assured they will be used at some point.

Infant Medicine

It’s easy to overlook this category! As first time parents, we were glad someone had gotten this for us. It can be overwhelming to know what to pick or have on hand. This is a great thing to bring for second & third time moms too because any remaining medicine from previous baby is likely expired (and if it hasn’t that means you’re looking at a pretty small age gap so bring that family some extra love too –probably in the form of chocolate). Gas drops & infant fever reducers are great to have around.

Stuff for Mom & Family

And on a related note, you could bring stuff for mom & the rest of the family:

Postpartum survival items for Mom: witch hazel pads (vaginal delivery), reusable pearl ice/heat packs for breastfeeding (I am in no way sponsored but thought these were amazing), Lanolin nipple cream, you know… the things you have NEVER HEARD OF IN YOUR LIFE because who walks around talking about witch hazel pads & nipple cream??

Scented candles or lotion: After my first son was born, someone brought a candle that made my room smell like a spa. Near the ocean. I wouldn’t have thought to buy it for myself at that time, but it was so therapeutic and lovely.

Something for the other children in the family: Everyones’ lives have changed in the family, and it can be thoughtful to notice that. After my second son was born, multiple friends dropped off simple things for my toddler: a bubble gun, hand-me-down transformer toys, and handwritten notes. The gestures went a long way in helping my older son feel seen, and a part of all the action (quite literally, with the transformer toys).

Something for Dad: Paul was gifted a “Dad manual” after my first son was born, and he loved it. The writing was in a style he appreciated, and it gave him confidence with our newborn son.

Serve Her:

How you serve the new mother in your life will depend on both 1) the personality of the mother and 2) how close your relationship is. Some women will crave privacy, while others yearn for hands-on help. Here are a few ideas from someone who wanted a little bit of both (me..I’m referring to myself):

Hold her baby for her.

Some women have calm babies that sleep easily and others have babies that are… the polar opposite of that (I’ve had one of each). With my non-sleeper I was very grateful for the many hours my husband & mom held my newborn so I could catch small stretches of sleep. One glorious day a friend cuddled my baby in my front room while I showered and got ready in the middle of the day– it was amazing.

Always be on the lookout at get-togethers (post-Covid ;)) to make sure moms get a chance to eat, too! You can offer to hold her baby so she can load up her plate & enjoy some food. That physical separation for a little while can give her the space she needs to come back ready to care for her baby.

Let her hold her baby while you wash her dishes or vacuum the floor.

It can be maddening to sit around all day staring at all of the unwashed dishes, crumbs on the floor, laundry that needs washing, and much more. With a newborn you are suddenly home a LOT but it’s hard to find the time to make it lovely and clean and livable. Babies really do want to be held so much of the time. If there is a toddler at home, too? Forget it. I only really let my own immediate family pick up these types of tasks. But I’d imagine many new moms would be okay with closer friends helping in these ways too. Just ask to find out!

Help her help herself.

One of the most challenging parts of postpartum life is not being able to accomplish all of the things you’d like to. It’s humbling (and necessary) to ask for help, and accept it graciously. Where possible, though, helping her accomplish her goals is awesome.

To illustrate: After my second son was born, I really wanted to make a Costco run. I couldn’t have done that on my own! (At least, not in Seoul. Without a car. With a toddler and newborn. Folding up the stroller and baby wearing and subway transfers and crazy hills and you get the picture). With my mom’s support and assistance, I was able to manage. She didn’t go do the errand for me- she let me lead the adventure and lifted and managed what I couldn’t. (Thanks, mom!)

Take care of an older sibling for her.

If this isn’t her first baby, she likely won’t be able to “sleep when baby sleeps.” I am forever grateful for the friends that took my toddler on play dates on various afternoons so I could sleep a bit, or put on a show I enjoy while baby naps in my lap. It’s helpful for siblings too, who get some needed attention and get to explore somewhere different for a bit with friends.

Note: This was especially helpful 1-2 months postpartum after family left and the sleep deprivation really started to kick in!

Connect with Her:

It’s such a tumultuous (wonderful!) life change to add a new member to your family, regardless of the details. So my recommendation is just to be there. Postpartum life can be pretty lonely. Here are some ideas:

Reach Out

Some mothers with a new baby definitely need space and aren’t yet ready for visitors in their home (especially now, with COVID!). But I would guess that ANYONE would appreciate an encouraging text or email. Be prepared for a delayed response- if any. Newborn brain fog is very real. With all of the feeding sessions around the clock, you can bet she will check her phone though and benefit from the kind words.

This is also an easy way to gauge her interest level in more interaction. If she responds with lots of detail or follow-up questions, she may be up for a visit or phone call.

Provide a Listening Ear

Whether on the phone or during an in-person visit, ask about her birth story. She may feel proud and excited about it, or she may have some grieving to do. Neither of my births were traumatic but the first was not what I wanted or expected. In both cases, I loved sharing the experience with friends and family that cared. It all happens so fast and can be a lot to unpack and process. Talking helps.

Ask about her baby. Ask about the name chosen, and its’ significance. Ask about how her recovery is going.

A final suggestion:

Take Her Picture!

I suggest this because postpartum is a time known for immaculate physical appearance and peak physical condition 😉 JK

Although I never had official newborn or family photos taken after birth, I think there’s great value in capturing these early moments to look back on later. Newborns are these gorgeous bundles sent straight from Heaven. The first few months with your baby are raw and hard but fleeting and precious… and to have it captured is a gift.

Almost as big of a gift as your nap-striking toddler randomly falling asleep in your lap for the only time in his whole non-infant life. Priceless.

Wrapping Up

How do you like to help families going through this big transition period? What has helped you in your own life?? I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments!

Cover Photo by Anthony Shkraba from Pexels