10 Expat Tips: How to Survive and Thrive

I can’t wait to share this list of EXPAT TIPS with you today. Expat life is challenging, adventurous, isolating, rewarding, exciting, complicated, logistically horrific, incredible, and life-changing. So…not terribly different than normal life, I guess. I would never trade the three years my family spent living in South Korea. But that’s not to say it was always easy (and Korea is, in my opinion, one of the easier places to live as an American). Looking back, I can see that some of my choices and circumstances really helped my overall experience. There are other things I wish I’d done more (or less) of.

To back up a bit, here’s a refresher course on Expat life and what it entails. I want to be very clear because expat is short for “expatriate” which has two very distinct definitions:

expatriate (verb): 1: BANISH, EXILE 2: to withdraw (oneself) from residence or in allegiance to one’s native country

expatriate (noun): a person who lives in a foreign country

Merriam-Webster

My family is the second version. The noun. Not the one where we were banished/exiled and withdrew our allegiance to our native country (USA). We love America the Beautiful! Just wanted to get that out there.

Why Expat Life??

Our family made the intentional decision to follow a job that took us from Philadelphia, USA to Seoul, South Korea. We knew our family would be there for quite awhile, but not forever. We have many expat friends that have lived in South Korea for decades, though, with no intentions of returning to their native country. Some expats are only abroad for a short season- a semester exchange program or year-long teaching contract. There’s a huge range here.

Regardless of why or for how long you find yourself living in a country that is not your own: Take Heart! It feels hard because it is hard (thank you Dr. Becky). This list is simple to understand, but may be difficult to implement at times. I really hope these 10 tips, along with other great advice you receive & your own intuition and knowledge will help you make the most of your experience abroad!

Orient Yourself:

1. Get down the language basics (if applicable)

You may be Australian and moving to Canada with minimal language barriers to work around. Statistically speaking though, most expats will be living in a country with an official language different than their native tongue.

Depending on your job situation, you may need zero new language skills…or you might be expected to function at a high-level in order to communicate properly and accomplish daily tasks. Regardless of what you NEED for your job or living conditions, I’d highly recommend learning as much as you can of the nation’s main language.

Obviously it will be easier to pick up a language that is similar to your own- whether that means a character system, reading from left to right vs. right to left, a similar alphabet, another Romance language, etc.

In any of these cases, START NOW, before you leave!

How this looked for our family:

I had an amazing friend (with some Korean heritage in her family) that printed off the Hangul alphabet and practiced with me before I moved, so I could hit the ground running when we arrived in Seoul (thank you again!!!)

In South Korea, many people speak English. It was actually relatively easy to function and get around Seoul, even for those with zero language skills. We still wanted to make an effort, though, to enhance the experience.

For us this looked like practicing and memorizing the Hangul characters (alphabet) so we could sound things out, at the very least. It helped so much with finding restaurants, apartment buildings, stores, and more. As a next step, we got familiar with conversational basics (hi, thank you, excuse me, I’m sorry, “I Am from America”, and more) so we could communicate a bit when we’d go out. Body language is a real thing, too… but exchanging words in Korean with fellow moms, college kids, or the elderly on the subway are moments I will never forget.

I wish I would’ve learned even more than we did. Many friends that had mastered the language were able to navigate Korean websites, trouble-shoot apartment/tech problems on their own, and really connect deeply with locals.

General Language-Learning Tips:

Consistent (even short) chunks of time over a long period of time = successful language skills that stick. And even small bits of survival language skills = SO SO much better than nothing, I promise! Locals (in any nation, I’d assume) will be so grateful that you’re trying, and respond positively to your efforts.

DuoLingo (free phone app) is an excellent tool if you don’t have a workplace or school providing language classes or training materials. You can spend 5-10 minutes at the end of the day and slowly build up your skills from there.

2. Get an understanding of local customs and norms

When we see people that behave/eat/act/speak differently than us, it’s easy to make assumptions and judgments. It’s especially easy to do this when you’re in a new place feeling a little bit homesick and frustrated at all of the logistics you need to navigate in expat life. However, the greater your understanding of local customs and norms, the more you will have an open mind and heart. Things that you would initially find rude or confusing will make so much sense in their proper context.

“In the whole round of human affairs little is so fatal to peace as misunderstanding.” 

– Margaret Elizabeth Sangster

You cannot expect a culture across the world from your own to bear any resemblance to yours. That’s unrealistic at best and ethnocentric at worst.

Significantly, when you understand a culture and set of customs, you can join in appropriately. You can be respectful and avoid offending a group of people with your lack of understanding or awareness.

For example:

In Korea (and much of Asia) it’s very important to take your shoes off before entering a home, or certain public spaces. You replace your “outside shoes” with slip-ons of some kind. And guess what? it keeps floors way cleaner! I found it cozier, too, to visit in someone’s home without shoes.

Keep an open mind and when in doubt… ask ask ask! It’ll take time to learn an entire nation’s customs and practices. Try to be humble and open to advice or constructive criticism offered (This is easier said than done).

And for what it’s worth:

You will find in talking to expats living in your own home country….every culture has things that are nonsensical, at least on the surface. Or that others find frustrating etc. So when you return home at the end of your journey, bring some empathy with you and be ready to enlighten others about your customs too!

Be warned, you may just find yourself at the end of your expat journey wanting to incorporate customs from your time abroad into your own life: like the Korean heated floors in winter! The BEST!

Socialize

3. Get a local friend

This ties in with understanding local culture and customs. People all over the world…are just people. We all have a family of origin, bills to pay, and are trying to make our way in this big world as best we can.

People are hard to hate close-up. Move in.

– Brene Brown, Braving the Wilderness

A local friend is so wonderful because you can learn much more from watching their real life than reading about it in an article or something. You can ask nuanced questions and get real-person answers. My poor Korean friends did so much to help me with language barriers, utilities bills, moving procedures, ordering at restaurants, shopping hacks, and I don’t even know what else. I tried to pay them back in chocolate chip cookies, but there is still so much I owe them for their kindness.

Are you wondering how to make friends with a local? The best way is naturally; do you have a coworker you see a lot, or is there a mom at the park you keep running into? Be open to saying hello and striking up a conversation!

4. Get a non-local friend (of your own native language or nationality)

I think it’s important to interact in meaningful ways with those from the country you are living in. To be honest and realistic, you will ALSO greatly benefit from a friend that speaks your native language (either fluently, or decently well) OR a friend from your home country. Knowing there is someone that understands exactly where you are coming from, or what you are trying to express, is needed on hard days.

For me, this group of women included fluent (or near-fluent) English speakers from Egypt, Canada, UK, New Zealand, Korea, South Africa, Taiwan, and of course the USA. Expats need other expats. <3

5. Get involved in a community (both local and expat groups)

This is huge! If you were wondering how to FIND other expats (other than large Facebook groups), This Is The Way. (That sounds very Star Trek-ish, doesn’t it?)

There are so many GROUPS to join! In-person, interest-based, low-pressure (but regular/recurring!) social gatherings. This will make or break your time as an expat if you have any social bones in your body. Use good judgment with COVID of course.

Here are some ideas to get the juices flowing:

• zumba/yoga/pilates classes at your local gym
• local running club
• community center traditional dance classes
• volunteering groups
• join a church congregation
• join a musical organization
• book clubs!
• intramural basketball
• hiking meet-ups

My church congregation (English speaking) and book club were sanity-saving. I also loved joining a local orchestra (Korean speaking) as a way to meet and interact with members of the community that were also interested in music!

Develop & Keep Healthy Practices & Rituals

6. Get outside

This is just general life advice, but applies well for expats too. There’s something so healing about fresh air (I feel for those living in China or India that struggle with year-round pollution). I was so much happier on days when I’d walk/jog/wander outside for awhile.

Moving around outside brings gifts like Vitamin D & endorphins. It’s also a great reminder of how universal some experiences are. The mosquitos bother me just as much in Kansas City and Philadelphia as they do in Seoul. Sunsets are gorgeous everywhere! We all have to deal with rainy days using umbrellas. We all get tired hiking steep hills – except for the incredible middle-age Ahjussi men in Korea that can bust up mountains like it’s nothing. Seriously, how do they do that??

7. Get (or keep up) a hobby

This could entail joining a group, like mentioned above, or something totally individual. If you love to paint, then spend a weekend creating art! If baking is your thing, make some muffins (in an oven that hopefully works better than mine did). Or go shopping. Or rock-climbing! However you enjoyed spending free time before, do something similar in this new environment.

Of course it won’t be exactly the same, but the routine and familiar movements may bring some inner-confidence and peace.

This is also a great time to start something new & different! Some of my friends took K-Pop dance classes or learned how to make kimchi from scratch. Take advantage of opportunities to learn something unique to the country you are living in.

8. Get mindful & intentional- and then write about it

Living abroad can be a roller coaster of emotions. I loved writing down all of the adventures and struggles we were having in a personal journal. It helped to process what was happening, and see the progress we had made in navigating this new life.

It’s all about the bigger picture; knowing the particular circumstances are temporary makes it feel more manageable in the moment.

Pause to reflect every few weeks on what brought you here, your present circumstances, and what you want from the rest of your experience. Then make it happen, Cap’n!

Remember Your Roots

9. Get in touch with loved ones that are far away

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy, “Parks and Recreation”

It can be easy to get wrapped up in your new life abroad and all of the excitement. Or, to get bogged down in the stressful details and logistics of getting around day-to-day. Or both. But don’t forget to reach out to your close friends and family members back home.

How, though?

There’s definitely a learning curve where you need to figure out time zone/work schedule differences. Not to mention figuring out which messaging app/video call platform is best for everyone. Become BFFs with the “World Clock” section of your phone and find a way to connect. Old school letters are really fun, too!

Marco Polo is a fantastic way to keep in touch with family members far away. No need to worry about time zone differences or schedules. It’s a video message they can watch (and rewatch! #grandparents) and respond to whenever they have time.

Here is a link to the Marco Polo website.

10. Get familiar foods, ingredients, or holiday-specific items

Maybe none of you are as irrationally sentimental about random holidays as I am, but this one was huge for me. I live for the changing seasons. Traditions, holidays, and accompanying specific meals are very meaningful to me.

It might be really hard to find the right ingredients or tools to create the same experience you are craving from your country of origin. However, you can get creative! Celebrating holidays you care about –even smaller and differently than you’re used to–is so much better than nothing. (Read all about how to celebrate Christmas in Korea HERE).

Here’s how we did it:

We swapped out the typical easy Stove Top stuffing for homemade stuffing on Thanksgiving. We pulverized granulated sugar into powder when we couldn’t find confectioner’s sugar to frost my son’s birthday cake. We did our best to get patriotic when stores didn’t have anything relevant for the Fourth of July (obviously).

Even better is acquiring the real deal! Remember to grab & CAREFULLY pack those jars of green salsa & diced green chiles next time you visit home…or whatever food you are wanting and can’t find where you are. I promise the space you take up in your suitcase will be well worth it. I never regretted lugging tastes and sights from home across the ocean.

Give a Little Bit (any Goo Goo Dolls fans out there?)

There will come a time when you’ve properly landed on your feet and can confidently proclaim you “get” expat life. I mean, for the most part. Really! You will.

This is when it’s time to give back! There’s a high turnover rate amongst expats, and you will wake up to find one day that you are now the master- no longer the apprentice. Share your knowledge, YOUR expat tips, and your canned pumpkin. Give reassurance and encouragement. It’s what I like to call the Circle of [Expat] Life!

That’s it!

Do you agree with these 10 EXPAT TIPS?

Have you lived abroad? What would you add??

I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

Read more posts with travel & expat tips:

HERE ARE THE BEST HOTEL FEATURES FOR KIDS & BABIES

HERE ARE 6 “DO’S” OF TRAVEL WITH KIDS

SEOUL EXPAT SERIES: CHILDBIRTH IN SOUTH KOREA VS. U.S.A.

HERE ARE 6 REASONS WE BOUGHT A CAR AS EXPATS IN SEOUL

Cover Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay