Our baby girl is now a year old, which has me thinking about her (slightly more exciting than desired) first week of life. I was induced at 38 weeks due to some concerning scans, but thankfully all went well with her delivery. So I was a bit blindsided when things went downhill the following afternoon after she was born (for a completely different and unrelated reason).
The on-site pediatrician listened to her heart as part of the routine newborn checks, and said things sounded strange. The nurses took her out of the room to perform a couple of tests… only to come back (without her) and tell me that her oxygen had dropped dramatically, she’d experienced cyanosis (lips and skin around her mouth turned blue), and she’d been taken straight up to the NICU. That was where she would be staying now– not in my room next to me.
I was surprised, and emotional. (But… frankly it doesn’t take much to make me emotional in the week after I give birth, typically). This wasn’t what we’d expected, and there were so many unknowns ahead of us. I was caught off guard, wanted to be near her, and figure all of this out ASAP.
Our NICU story is a pretty straightforward and simple one. The stay ended up being less than a week, and her situation has turned out to be very mild- which I am so so grateful for. Our stay was pretty atypical. Nevertheless, her very short time in the NICU had a considerable impact on my heart…and hers…;).
Here are some lessons & takeaways from our particular time there:
1. There is a VERY wide range of care provided in the NICU. Every story is unique.
Some babies (like ours) are only in the NICU for several days. Others stay for months and months- the better part of a year, even. Some infants have mild situations and just need a bit of extra testing or monitoring….others require very serious interventions just to keep breathing and keep growing.
There is a wide range of geography covered too! Some parents fly in on weekends from other states, others are sleeping down the hall in the hospital itself. Some hospitals (especially with COVID) were really keeping things limited. My husband and I were both allowed open access to hold and feed our baby girl, but I know others during the pandemic that are not.
2. A NICU stay requires flexibility for all involved
There’s a lot of coordination required of the NICU staff members. Whether your baby is suffering from one particular issue or many separate ones, there’s a whole slew of people involved. In our relatively simple case, we worked with a LOT of various staff members. Technicians come to perform tests, nurses rotate through day shifts and night shifts…specialized drs visit from elsewhere in the hospital to explain the situations, new info leads to more conversations with the pediatric NICU doctors… and so on. And between all of those steps can be a significant (or what feels like it at the time) amount of waiting.
All that to say, it’s hard to predict how long your baby will stay, or what specifically their care plan will entail. The schedule and treatments are constantly shifting based on new info (rightfully but challenging-ly so).
3. It’s tough to balance your other demands that keep moving along AND your baby in the hospital
Apparently life outside of the hospital doesn’t just come to a halt because your beautiful baby needs extra love and care! Ready or not, schedules keeps trudging ahead. It’s hard! School pick-up and drop-off and work still needs to happen. The hospital is kind of this weird time warp where hours pass by without much happening… but really so much is happening elsewhere for other family members, etc.
My boys were so ready to MEET our baby already and have Mom back home. I was grateful my Mother in law could extend her trip a bit longer to care for the boys at home. It allowed me and my husband to spend a significant amount of time in the hospital with our baby girl while we figured everything out.
However, if our babe had been there for weeks or months, OR if we lived much further away from the hospital… it’s reassuring to know that nurses keep those babies safe and fed around the clock.
We were lucky to be a 6 minute drive to the hospital, and at one that had an excellent NICU! I’d originally chosen another hospital to deliver at (whose NICU was apparently still great but slightly lower rated, and a little further away from us), but strangely hadn’t heard back from them. I feel like it was a blessing that we ended up at the hospital we did.
4. It was hard for me to leave the hospital without my baby in the carseat
I thought I was doing pretty well emotionally, all things considered, until the night I was discharged. Being in the hospital (on a different floor) felt not too bad. But leaving without my baby was rough. The empty carseat was a reminder that she wasn’t coming home yet for the big reveal to her brothers and family that we’d hoped for.
Someone had mentioned to me that this part may be difficult, and I’m glad I had a heads-up. So if it’s difficult for you, too, know that you are not alone. I’m incredibly lucky that her carseat was only empty temporarily, and my heart aches for the mothers and fathers who don’t ever get to bring their babies home in the way that they had hoped.
5. Find a rhthym for baby care between you & the nurses that works smoothly!
I think the thing I found most challenging to get used to was having someone else take care of my baby! Baby girl was my third child, and I was planning to nurse her and keep her in the room with me. The NICU complicated this!
I needed to learn to trust and rely on the nursing staff to care for my baby. It’s OK to lean on them. They are fully qualified and especially experienced in intensive care with tiny babies. Postpartum healing is important, too!
BUT, mommy gut/parental instincts are also real! So feel free to jump in and speak up if you want things a certain way (within the health requirements for your baby’s situation). After all, YOU will be the one caring for them afterwards, and you are the parent. However, if you want things done a certain way, be prepared to make it happen. You can’t expect to direct the nurses with a detailed or challenging game plan and then leave all day while they execute it!
I wanted to attempt to breastfeed as much as possible, which worked with her particular health situation and birth weight… as long as I could BE there for each feed. I found all of the nurses extremely acommodating with my thoughts and concerns. Even those that had varying opinions were respectful and communicated their limitations clearly (they could not vary from the 3 hour feed schedule, so if I wasn’t there at 3 am then she would be given a bottle etc.), and worked with me to care for her the best way we all could.
6. You aren’t alone!
It feels big and scary to have things not go as planned, or to not know what the future holds for your baby. But there’s quite a community, I found afterward! The hospital had NICU welcome kits with helpful items to use during out stay, and they even have an annual picnic.
Perhaps even more helpful, there are so many family blogs out there that detail medical journeys. I found those so reassuring, knowing someone had gone through what I was experiencing.
7. OK To Experience All the Emotions
It was scary to see my tiny (but, by NICU standards pretty large haha) baby hooked up to monitors and so much equipment.
Between the waiting around for test results, and poking and prodding… It’s hard to watch!
Perhaps a heads-up before she was born would’ve been helpful, but…maybe not! Whether or not it’s an expected stay, emotions will likely come and go as you process all that is happening. We were given drastically varying diagnoses and prognoses, one of them being that she’d need open heart surgery in a few months, and even with that– she may not ever be able to have children. I was devastated! I’m so grateful neither of those have turned out to be accurate… but it made for an emotional week!
I wasn’t ready to share the details with everyone immediately- I first needed to process the new information myself, and with our close families. It’s OK if you are that way, too… and it’s equally OK if you want to open up right away and rally your troops! It’s whatever you are comfortable with!
In fact, there was a counselor assigned to each set of parents when you are admitted at the NICU at our hospital. She was kind, and it was reassuring to know there was someone we could talk to if needed.
8. Involve & Invite Other Family Members to Help Bond over Baby
I found it really beneficial to involve our family members at home and farther away. With COVID and travel restrictions I was already prepared for the delay in introductions between baby + siblings, grandparents, etc. But when it was delayed even further, it was hard! I wanted to find some way for her to “meet” her loving family members!
- We used FaceTime to contact family members (our boys especially) when we weren’t able to come home as soon as we’d hoped. We mostly did this outside of the NICU out of respect for other people and keeping it a quiet place.
- Sent health updates and pictures of her to our families using Messenger apps to keep them in the loop- it helped us feel supported, too.
- Used the video monitor the nurses offered so we (and the grandparents even!) could watch her sleep at the NICU! There was a security code we each needed to log in. So cool- you could ask if that’s a possibility for your family, too!
I recently asked my son for his thoughts on that week (age 6): “It was really fun that Daddy could come home sometimes, and you could. It was mostly fun, but hard knowing sister maybe had health problems and you guys were gone.”
9. Accept Help if Offered!
I’d originally thought we could handle postpartum life without the meals offered by our friends & church family. I’d made some freezer meals, and we had adults around that could cook! But then we were going to be in the hospital longer. Plus her care at home would be more hands-on and intensive than planned. The monitoring equipment beeped so so so so loud and couldn’t be turned down and drove me crazy! So I was extra grateful for all of the assistance!
I was so blessed by the meals that people brought, plus frozen foods, flowers, small gifts or activities for my boys to entertain them, or wipes and diapers. Obviously this is all helpful regardless of a NICU stay or not (I’ve written all about how to support a new mom HERE)… but it was extra-appreciated in these circumstances.
The NICU staff also offered help in various forms that week:
- access to the family lounge with snacks & a quiet place to sit
- a position on the wait list to sleep in a hospital room on the NICU floor, so I could nurse throughout the night versus driving back and forth to my house
- a night sleeping at the hospital with husband + baby prior to discharge to practice using the equipment in a safe environment to make sure we felt comfortable with it
10. The NICU Nurses are the Salt of the Earth.
All nurses are fabulous, but NICU nurses are next-level. We interacted with a bunch of them during her stay, and I was so impressed. Despite being there with my third newborn, I learned so much from them, on a practical level! They are sponge-bathing-baby-swaddling miracles, honestly.
It was clear that this was far more than a job for them, it was a calling. It wasn’t just expert newborn and premie care that I witnessed, but warmth and love for these precious little ones. They were rooting for each little soul that was there. BLESS YOU, NICU NURSES!
I am so grateful for the wonderful care she received during that bumpy first week here on earth, and for our family members and friends that supported us in so many different ways.
Here are some other articles I’ve written on childbirth & postpartum life:
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